oh, hey. i'm married now and blogging for the first time in forever... :D

i'm married now.
i quite enjoy being married.
to my best friend, nonetheless.
he's pretty wonderful.
it's fun and interesting learning to live with a husband. 
oh yeah, and now i'm living in the country. (i lived in a small, awesome town of about 8k all my life.)
and it's beautiful.

i've been instagramming it up because of my new phone.
my username is: love_beka_hill.
you're welcome to follow me. :)
arranging house is pretty fun. i haven't made many amazing meals yet though. (two people don't eat that much. who knew?! hey. i came from a family of 8. lol.)
trying to get the kitchen all organized and the bedroom, too.

the dining room and living room need to be tackled, that's what i know for sure.
how about some fun stuff now?
pictures from the wedding? how about a few. ;)

photo credit: samantha

here's a few picture from the wedding --we did a first look and got all the photography done beforehand by a friend, samantha, and my now-sister-in-law, jen. it was awesome and so relaxing.

 me, my older sister anna, and two of our besties -- coincidentally, now my sisters in law. ;) love!!

me and the siblings. :D

more besties. :)

 

i'm off to watch some Lie To Me on netflix and wait for the husband to come home from second shift. can't wait to see his face.
maybe some wedding thank you's should be written too. hmmm.
see you around, cyberspace (and real life) friends!!
♥

there is joy at the end.

oh, hi.
i didn't plan on coming around here to type anything anytime soon.
but here i am.
a few hours ago, the thought of blogging was completely...resistible.
i don't want to blog.
i don't want to blog because whitney would comment on the link i'd post in my facebook, and she'd say "can't wait to see your face again! you should visit!" and other stuff like that.
i don't want to blog because the thought of everyone knowing what my christmas and new years was like does not sound good to me.
i want to keep it to myself, and those who lived it with me.
those i lived it with.
i don't want to blog because eventually i'll have to write things like "____" and then it'll be published on my blog, and then those words will die away, and they'll be written and stamped on the internet, on my blog, they'll be reread and remembered, as if reality wasn't good enough to remember and do that.

nonna. whitney. also known as justin's mom. (holding her first grandbaby girl in august when i visited.)
she died in the wee hours of december 26, 2012. short notice, health decline from a virus to something more odd and extreme within a few days.
her life was entwined in so many people's lives with so much love --for Jesus and for people, no matter what-- and therefore, so many were touched by the joy of who she was, and all those people now feel that certain element of emptiness.
i don't think there's been a week in my life yet that hasn't held a day where i haven't questioned God why?
but He's giving me peace. slowly. i'll see her again. and she's watching us from up there with Him. i like thinking that. sometimes it helps a lot.
but because it's only been (nearly) a month, when this song featured below comes on --because i just searched it; i love the words-- my throat squeezes up uncontrollably and i can't breathe; i feel the emotions and helplessness and pain of that early december 26th morning around 3am creep over my entire body, when anna pushed play on the song after justin got the call from his brother and sister about the news.

and even though He's giving me peace slowly, my heart still hurts and i miss her... because over the past year, her and i grew closer and closer, and she was such an encouragement to me.

I've been waiting for the day when at last I get to say:

My child you are finally home.
Sing, O son of Zion,

Shout, O child of mine 

Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind 

For you are finally home
I've been waiting to watch you realize 

What all your longing was for 

And I've been waiting to show you the thread of grace 

That ran through all your pain
And I've been waiting to let you drink the water of which 

Your greatest joy on earth was just a taste 

I've been waiting for the day when at last I get to say 

My child you are finally home.

 me and whitney, august 2012.

pictures from visits down with them in the summer of 2012. ♥
her tortillas are amazing.

i'm marrying her son.
(sarah helped us do a photoshoot for our parents christmas present....on. christmas. day.
he spent christmas eve and christmas day up here in wisconsin with us.)

i'm best friends with her daughter. have been for almost 12 years, i believe. pj is due in march with her first, and i'm going to be at the birth. i can't wait to see the little guy. nonna whitney was predicting it to be a boy...

her husband, brad, is going to be the officiator on our wedding day.

brad and their second grandbaby girl... :)

me and grandma eva, whitney's mom. i love her. :) i stayed with them for two weeks after justin and i made the roadtrip down there in the early afternoon of december 26. grandma eva told me "good morning, sunshine!" every morning. she's a doll.
it's beautiful how God made it so that we all can see glimpses of whitney in each other. because she gave us all a part of herself.

one of the songs giving me the comfort of truth. 

I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. 

In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! 

For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

[john 16:33]

even though things in life can be completely out of the realm of understanding for our hearts and minds, life here in this world is going to be flawed and full of pain and bitter-sweetness as times. seasons are going to suck. but there is going to be complete joy at the end. here, at the end of all things. we have hope. if nothing else, we know we have hope in the end. i hope in my God.
♥

nearly wordless saturday: the roadtrip back to wi.

...after spending two bittersweet weeks with justin and his family in illinois right after christmas...
these are the pictures taken on the roadtrip back up to wisconsin, with jacklyn and josh along for the fun-ness.

 

 ...journal. cozy socks. comfy skinny jeans.

 my love right next to me. ♥

 

 

♥

it's a pie kind of night.

i made apple pie tonight.
it's justin's favorite....and i'm just glad i'm testing out my skills making it, because i've only made it a few times so far in my life......probably once a year, each fall with all the apples we get from one of the local orchards.

and let me just say.....
it's really one of the best things to ask how the pie is and hear things like
i think there's just enough sugar in it.
i think there's just enough salt in it.
there could be a little more butter in it. [says the person who loves butter a little more than the normal butter-loving people out there. ;) ]
i've developed a solid taste for softer, acoustic-style music, but today it's been three days grace as i peeled apples with caleb....red as i sliced the apples. rise against as i mixed up a lazy crumble topping for the pies instead of rolling out crust. i haven't bridged into underoath yet tonight....just going back in the archives of rise against.....but it may come yet. lol.

i ran a little over a mile with my awesome, younger siblings, caleb and rach.
ran...then walked a bit....then ran more. i got a side stitch, or else i would've ran the whole time, obviously. :P
i'd have to say my favorite part was the yoga-related stretching before and after the running/walking....
the lightly-chocolate protein shake that caleb made for him, rach and i was not to my liking but i drank it down anyways because they said i'd be more sore if i didn't partake. oy.

next up in my night: making a minestrone soup for tomorrow lunch so i don't have to do anything but warm it up when we get home from church. :)
and.....clean this kitchen.

i have a feeling i may be sleeping really good tonight.......

but first, let's burn the butter that's heating up, waiting for onions and soup fixings first.
this is a great start to the rest of the evening.

sigh.

holy crap, it's autumn. :P

♥
this morning.
i didn't have coffee, but i had him.
he left at a little before 9. here's a paragraph from around 11am.

out of coffee.
soon to be remedied.
i need it. bad. this morning needs it. bad.
my love left this morning with his little sister jacklyn.
without coffee to give even some slight sort of comfort, you can imagine how the morning's been.................

thankfully, within 20 minutes of that, we had coffee back in the house, and it lent a tad bit of sanity and coping to the morning.

how are all the trees suddenly mostly orange?!
time has... truly.... flown. holy freakin' crap.

any commentary on this? it's from my brain.:

struggle and challenge and less-than-ideal times/moments/circumstances 
are not meant to be [and cannot be] avoided.

it's all found in how we handle those times;
they are how we have become who we are.

poblano peppers.

i just tried take a nap; for 40 minutes; unsuccessfully. what with a decently late night last night, and swing dancing tonight along with getting home at nearly 1am . . . i kind of wanted to take part of the luxury.
anyhow. that didn't work.
maybe i got enough sleep last night or something.
and maybe i'm excited; tomorrow, justin's coming up for the weekend. :)
could be both. lol.
today we went to the farmer's market.
i got 5 poblano peppers, 2 eggplants, and two huge bunches of kale all for the grand total of $7.
heck. yeah.
and the lady who sold it all to us told us how she likes to prepare these wonderful, mild-to-medium heat peppers, which in the first place  i'd never heard of before. 
[i don't remember how much the chunk of gouda was, though....]

stuffed poblano peppers....i'm looking forward to making them.
when i do, shall post a picture and let you all know how it turned out.
i have plans for some yummy soups in this next week. ones i've never made before myself.
i can't wait. it's totally soup weather again. :)

do you like soup? what's your favorite??

a particular process of tiredness for a certain person.

friday, september 21, 2012

10:30pm

the tired phases of beka marie:

1. someone asks me how i am, and i tell them in weird metaphors.
take, for instance, this texted conversation of mine with justin:

him: how are you, my love?
me: i....i feel exhaustified. like a jellyfish in a pot of hot water after being a beluga whale swimming around the ocean all day.
weird metaphors are a DEFINITE sign of my tiredness. i'm not quite coherent.
but hey, i didn't have any typos. i'm not quite that tired yet i guess. :P
...ahem...this is what you get to look forward to living with. lol.

his reply was sweet, nonetheless. undeniably so. 

undeservedly so. ♥

2. laziness.
then i gather my energies from stray corners of my mind [yes, it is square...er, something like that. of course.]
and something amazing happens.
:)

3. frustration. edging towards choice words.
i was boxing this bugger lovely canvas up, and because it's been a while since i've sold a larger canvas like this, i had forgotten exactly how easily frustrating it can be to make a custom box for it.
because there are no boxes in the size and shape of exactly what i need....i have to cut down huge boxes and tape it around the canvas and its bubble wrap, etcetera.
well.....tonight, it was uber frustrating.
i have decided --in the heat of the moment, of course; because that is the best time to make decisions that effect other people, hahaha!-- that i am going to hike the price for my remaining large canvases because they cause me so much stress and it takes so bloody long [more than half hour] to wrestle the box into the exact freaking shape and size i need it, not to mention taping it all securely and it ending up slightly decently attractive too. :P that last part doesn't happen. i just make sure the canvas will get there safely.
i was about to pull my hair out when the one side of the box came untaped for the 2nd or 3rd time of my trying so hard to get it to cooperate. [i love painting. any size canvas. but shipping it? and prepping it for that? oh my word. no.]
mom just looked over at me from her sewing machine and smiled sympathetically. "just do it one thing at a time."
"i am doing it one side at a time!" gritted teeth. "but it's not working." urgh.
yes. frustration. my companion of the night.
i am so done with these huge canvases. i mean, it's not even that big!! but i am definitely charging more for any big ones like this.
[mom looked over and laughed when she heard my fingers clicking away quite fiercely on the keyboard, typing this post. and i nearly let that "post" be spelled "poast". i have reached the final stage.]

4. typos. they finally happen. sentences start to get flipped around. words get letters added to them like they mean something else. or absolutely nothing at all.
dear God, i need sleep.


sigh.
i have forgotten how therapeutic blogging is.

ciao.

this: my wednesday.

this was my friday.
and a favorite song.

♥

8:30am skype date.

my skype date is super freaking amazing and talented. ohboy. you can't even imagine. :)

then, because i had cute socks on [thanks, love;)] . . . and because a brother was nearby, i took a few pictures before we headed out to visit grandpa in the hospital before he had surgery.
does ben look like a creeper? maybe he didn't get enough sleep. lol

me and the brother.

fall is starting to be really noticeable all of a sudden.

sigh. pretty orange leaves. my my.

:)

because my skills were requested for birth photography of a lady anna is a doula for anytime soon . . .

this picture ^^ makes me laugh. of course, i'm not the one pregnant and impatient and growing a little human and so ready to be done and see the precious sweetie. heh.

speaking of patience...and hippie-ness....hahaha. here. the due date debacle. i figure it's best to prepare one's mindset even before babies are seriously on the horizon. [laughing]
interesting, no?

anyhow! it's too late for any of you who liked my c.s. lewis painting...it sold the other night. :) :) :)
i'll make another sometime. don't worry.
it'll be grand.
i plan on doing some j.r.r. tolkien quotes very soon so that excited people can buy some awesome art inspired by the hobbit coming out in december. :)

random catch-up for people who actually read and are interested in my life....heh. heh.

hi. :)
again.
crazy, huh? two freaking days in a row, beka? blogging?
who knew it could happen again.....wow. :P

well....here's some news.
march was the last time i had a 'real' haircut.

i can tuck it behind my ears mostly now!!
so exciting. :)
i'm growing it out. 

to about this length.
[this was taken in 2010]

we still swing dance.
this was on the way there last week.

a few weeks ago, my brother proposed to martha. they're getting married in march.
me and my sisters are all in the wedding, as well as several of martha's friends. :)
it's going to be epic. especially once we can all decide on a great bridesmaid's dress for us all to wear. blue. one style. hmmmmmm...... :)
as for justin and i, we haven't set a date yet.
but we're close.
closer than ever before.
plus, we've been getting to walk through and learn so much together right now, that we wouldn't have if we'd been planning/bringing about a wedding during this time. so thankful for how our story is unfolding.
:) but yeah.....we're throwing ideas around for a wonderful, down-to-earth, on-the-casual-side celebration including quite a few family and friends. :) it's going to be pretty sweet.

sunday night, i did henna for sarah, anna's sweet and awesome friend, and her two girls....and then sarah's boyfriend, kelly [a legit tattoo artist, haha], did henna for me.
they're all pretty cool, down-to-earth people. :) that was a really fun night, let me tell you. :)

a henna tattoo i did for sarah on her palm: ^

the other part of the henna project i did for sarah. :)
strangely enough, in the few years it's been since we discovered the awesomeness of henna tattoos, and the times i've done it for girlfriends when we get together, i've never done the palm, or the collar bone area.
so that was a first for me; having so much space to work with, challenging, but so much fun. and she loved it. so that's even more awesome. :)

i did anna's palm when we got home. :)
i also did my two younger sisters monday night....i'll have to post those pictures when i can. :)

also, in other life news, the 6th-10th of september, i got to go visit justin and his family. :)

we did awesome things like have chicken tacos with freshly made tortillas by my sweet future mother-in-law. :) :)

we went to an outdoor movie showing by a friend of theirs and freeze my butt off --but that was so much fun. ;) also, i got to see pj --my best friend, who is now --as of march-- an old married woman and soon to be a cute new mommy too. :)

...justin took this one:)
cate, jen & craig's cute little girly has [relatively;] warmed up to me these past few visits i've gotten to spend with them all. :) cutest niece [to-be] ever. :)

....and.....us. :)
she loves her uncle justin/bubby. it was hard to keep her in my arms when he was around. ;)
[read between the lines: he's super awesome.]

aaaaaand now google account is being stupid again.
saying i ran out of space for uploading pictures.
heh.
wonderful.
that's all for now, then!
see you around. :)
tonight: a sleepover with heath and steph and anna. [derek, heath's husband, is off on a business trip thing]
carrot cake [heather], cinnamon chip scones [me], a movie [steph], and girl time, here we come.... :) :)
yay!

what's new with you?
are you enjoying fall, now that it's basically here now to stay? :)