Saturday, February 16, 2013

when i get inspiration for writing posts like this, i'm tempted to put my blog as private.

but then what kind of courage and honesty and guts would i have?!
none. that's what.

(i therefore make no apology for the honesty and guts and courage i have to post this, and stride forward to ignore thoughts of what everyone might think when i post the link on facebook. these are my thoughts, presently, and i'm allowed to give my thoughts for accepting, wonderful, humor-seeking friends to enjoy also. lol.)

it's 11:39pm, and this post by michmash inspired me.
i am no longer immune.
you kind of might want to read the post, just to get context for what i'm about to write. don't read the comments of that post yet, though. lol.

hmmm....i'm not a mom, but i'll tell you my secrets to keeping the mental birth control cap on the hallelujah-chorus-singing-ovaries . . .

i read horror stories of moms who go into their 6 week post-birth appointment. their dramatic personal experiences keeps the "oh i sooo want a baby!!" hormones calm. i love babies. but it freaks me out thinking a baby is going to plow through the lady parts. yeah. i've seen two births over the last 6 months, as a birth photographer who sometimes works by the side of my awesome doula sister, anna. for only a week ---only a week!!!-- i am cured into thinking and believing that i'll want to wait 5 years even after we get married.
unfortunately, that mindset doesn't last, and i'm wandering around on the internet looking at cute maternity and packs of adorable onesies a few days after the week anniversary of the trauma.

i nanny this freaking adorable little boy.
he's 4 months old.
he wakes up every 2 hours (i hear he used to wake up every hour in his first 3 months). to feed. and to get changed. because he pees a lot. because he's well hydrated.
and the parents (wonderful, wonderful people who have a great sense of humor and i love them and their cute little family so much already) don't get that much sleep!
just think how much you like sleep.

also, the first things to spring to my mouth (when a sibling teases about the high chances of fertility between justin and i and if we have an oopsies 6 months or less into marriage) are: i don't want nausea and exhaustion that soon. or to have to start researching and saving for a midwife/doctor, saving for diapers, all the changes before we've gotten to settle in and live life together for a while, figure things out, etc etc etc etc.....yeah.
and did i mention the lady parts being forever changed? i know that recovery is sooo possible and there IS an amnesia that comes about after a time, or else people wouldn't have more than one single freaking kid all the time!

that's my story of encouragement. haha. hahahah.
but i have to say...and this is speaking as a part-time nanny....just as you're getting tired at the thought of the lil kiddo waking up in 1/2 hour for his almost-due feeding and you're still finishing up laundry after you got a bite to eat for lunch....he wakes up and smiles the sweetest smile at you. and you know that this is why the world goes on. and that there IS, after all, a gorgeous, challenging circle of Life going on. and it all grows us up, makes us better and worse in all sorts of different ways.

sheesh. why don't i freaking blog this?! i need a blog post. maybe. but am i used to being this blunt and honest on my OWN blog? i mean, heck, obviously your blog is so dang inspiring, it's drawing words out of me. sentences and paragraphs. holy crap.

i'll leave you alone to decide your fate. well, kind of. heh.

as a note of btw, things that have been happening lately: 
invites and programs getting figured out; food person/chef nailed down for the dinner reception; ideas for flowers being tossed around; my first (of two, in all) bridal shower today!! it was a double bridal shower for the extended family ladies to celebrate martha (getting married to ben in march) and i (getting married in may!)
it was so much fun. anna coordinated it, and was super super awesome at it.
opening up homey stuff and kitchen things was so exciting....i feel so blessed. :)
now for sleep. how am i ever going to get rid of this nose/throat yuckiness if i don't get decent sleep? sheesh. for pete's sake. :P