Tuesday, June 5, 2012

sap and sun and shadows and perfect weather. lol.

have i said lately how much i love the taste of coffee?
and the color of the sky no matter what season it is.
and the feeling of being able to sit under the shade of a mature maple on the most perfect day of the week so far.
my leather amplified bible in front of me on the grass, open to the book of james.
sunshine. layers and branches full of leaves glowing with it.
and the feel of getting up from grass you thought was dry, that feeling of everything being damp. lol.
like childhood. i don't sit on the grass very much anymore.
bugs. chairs are better. the ground is . . . not as convenient.
just . . . i don't do it much.
but ah, the feeling of this afternoon . . .
crazy beautiful weather, the gift of coffee ;), a breeze whispering over pages [like james 2], and laughing over all sorts of random stuff that comes up when i'm talking to justin on the phone. discussing some verses that stunned me. like this one. and why or why not people talk about it, preach on it.
i rambled about something odd that if i told it to anyone else, they would give me that look. the one that says heh, beka....you're crazy. just kiiiiinda weird....
and i am.
but i'm just thankful that some people [ahem, very few, very rare] accept and even appreciate --gasp! even love?-- the fact that i am . . . me. 
i just feel so lucky it's him.
some days really suck to be long distance. actually, all days do. and as time goes on and we get closer, talk about and open up about different stuff and dream all over the place with hopes and logic combined, it really hurts some days to be apart. to have only the phone and sometimes, once in a while, skype to connect us between the one weekend a month-ish that works out to see each other in person.
[take yesterday for example. a perfectly good day. everything was going great. no huge drama or anything. but inside? inside i could. not. stop. missing. him. i'm not usually so melancholy at every turn as i was yesterday. so.....i'm super thankful for today. a lot more free, positive mood. still miss him, but it's not horrible at the moment. lol.]

then again . . . there are some days, you're just so thankful for the utter blessing of someone who truly loves you, and takes you on your good, bad, weird, freak-out, lazy, fantastic, and horrible days. and vice versa. [obviously, i'm no where near perfect:P]
and that's when you find yourself laughing at jokes and teases as you ignore the fact that there are bugs in the grass all around you and there are a lot of things yet to fall into place in this time before that blessed day, but still . . . you just know that it'll all be perfectly wonderful in the end. [reminds me of that joy set before you scripture. so much hope, even though we may go through so many trials on the way to it!]
really tough at times, but then that's life.
and the tough times will be okay because we'll be together and God is always with us. and He knows all that's in store. how we're going to draw closer to Him through it all, as our lives are washed with His grace.
through the valleys and the storms.
through dashed hopes and fulfilled hopes.
through conflict and peace and every.single.bit.of.it.
wow. a post without pictures.
yes. i survived and posted without pictures.
so.....here we go. i need to figure out what i want to do about that storage issue. thanks to all you who put in their two cents of how you do it! :)


chambanachik said...

Missing them is weird, isn't it? Awful and occasionally delicious all at once.

ladaisi said...

Well it'll be over soon and you'll be with him for the rest of your life!