Thursday, June 16, 2011

♥ grammy. ♥

i had a feeling it would be soon.
especially yesterday, when i took pictures of mom taking gram out for a walk.
i knew it.
i knew that she would most likely be less than a month here.
and now she's with Jesus; vibrantly alive and strong, beautiful and whole.
and home.
not to mention she's with grandpa jack, her husband; and all her immediate family.
it's a beautiful thing up there.
and what a gorgeous day.
what hurts my heart is seeing others cry; hearing mom call people and tell them the news.
i feel like i'm crying for the whole family, for goodness sake.
i've been a leaky faucet ever since that moment around 9:30 today. 
my birthday 2010

july 3 2009

july 30 2009 ^^gram, me, and eliyah as a wee little thing:)
november 14 2009 ^^grandma, grandpa, lyddie and grammy.
november 2 2009 drinking coffee in the kitchen with me:)
november 3 2009 gram and a friend.
january 1 2010's obvious rach and lyd had fun getting gram dressed up. ;)

july 17 2009 my graduation party.
july 30 2009 gram holding eliyah:) she was just 3 months old. gram cooed over her all the time.
february 12 2011
don't ask me which year this was. she was in scotland. mom says it was in 2000.
crazy to think that 11 years ago she was traveling.
may 8 2010 ^^this makes me laugh:) dad says she looks like a professor or something.

may 8 2010 ^^that look in her eyes; she was about to say something. this brings to mind her phrases that centered around my imaginary boyfriend. i'd be walking through the living room, and she'd say "oh, you look dressed up today. you going out with your boyfriend?" and she'd have this cheeky smile on her face.

in the kitchen before the funeral people came for her, mom nudged me.
"good morning, grammy!" she quoted in a high voice. we laughed and i started crying.
"i'll never forget that; your suave way with her."
it's true. everyone said i had a way with her.
she brought out the best and worst in me. we'd have good mornings and interviews and conversations goodnights and be snarky. that was when she talked more.
she was 87. and i'm so glad she lived that long. if she had gone earlier, with less of a long decline, i don't know how much harder that would be.
i remember her banana bread. the clip on earrings she wore. the jello with mandarin oranges that she'd bring to lunch after church on sundays. the hugs she would give. how i was jealous of her clean buick car versus our van that always looked inhabited, if you know what i mean. her chocolate chip cookies in a tupperware container with a slice of bread to keep it moist.
making krumkake with her in her kitchen. burning our fingers on the fresh lovelies and eating them with smiles and pride over our dainty work of yumminess. the scavenger hunt mom and anna made up for her to find a cute little tv how many years ago. the stories i hear of her coming to the house when i was born, and the pizza she warmed up for everyone and the handkerchief on her head, oh so stylish. ;) the story she would tell on prompting of how grandpa jack asked her on their first date, and how he proposed a while later. the white sugar she would let us sprinkle on our rice krispies and cheerios the morning after a sleepover at her house. adventures, adventures. and the bag of bugles and snacks she'd bring on roadtrips with our family? cherished.
i love her. and i'm so grateful God gave her to us . . . . and for how He's taking care of her now.


Dana B. said...


I am SO inspired by your sweet, sweet attitude.


LeAnna said...

This made me cry, and I didn't even know her.

{{hugs to you all}}

Alyssa Rae said...

I am so sorry, love, for your loss. But so excited for her and her gain. Oh to imagine what she is seeing now! Bless your family, bless your tears. A hug from me to you.

*Lizzie* said...

Oh, how sad. But also wonderful for her! I'm sure she has never been more happy then now, in Heaven seeing our King! No more pain, no more sin but now up praising our Jesus!

Jen said...

Love you dear, this was so so sweet. It made me cry reading of you and Mom saying good morning, and remembering your way with her. Your IL family is praying for all of you. ((hug))

Sara said...

Big hugs to you!!!! I am so sorry for your loss, but at the same time so very happy for her, and for all the wonderful love and memories you shared with her.

{Amy} said...

aww beka, I am sorry but I know what you mean, you feel happy for her, the sadness is always for the ones left behind! hugs to you!

Natalie said...

Prayers and hugs going out to you Beka and your family! Seems like she was an amazing woman! =D

heather said...

So grateful that I knew Grammy for a little while, anyway. her random comments in the midst of dinner. The funny, quirky person she was at times. Love and lots of prayer from the Englund family! <3

Christina said...

Aww my sincere condolences to you and your family. It sounds like she lived a very full and long life. I am so happy she is with Jesus! Hugs!!

the girl said...

What a joy and peace to know that she is happy and complete with Christ!
Such a beautiful post Beka.. and the relationship you had with your grammy seemed so special, even to the end.
I just love that picture of her with curlers, drinking coffee. It's cute as can be!

chambanachik said...

Every bit of this was beautiful. I love that she had a good walk with your mom, too. What a perfect memory.

Hugs. <3

Oh Mandie said...

What a lovely tribute! She's walking on streets paved with gold now.

*hugs to you*

rain said...

this made me cry...
she would be so happy to read this lovely tribute. much love to you and your family during this time...

Mom's Coffee Time said...

Sending {{{hugs}}} your way and thinking of you and your family-Amy ♥

Brittney said...

What a beautiful, beautiful lady. I'm so sorry for your loss... I well remember my grandma's sudden passing... I loved her so. I can imagine what you're feeling right now and it breaks my heart. Her memories will always be with you.

Jen said...

I'm so sorry. I lost my Grandma 13 years ago, and still have tears spring to my eyes, thinking of how much I miss her. When she passed, one of my uncles said, "Heaven just got a whole lot sweeter." I think that's true for your Grammy too.

Chana@ Mamma Town said...

This is the most beautiful dedication I've ever read. I honestly don't know how you even wrote it! I know how hard it must be for you right now, but it is so inspiring to read. Thank you for sharing such beautiful memories of such a special lady.

Cassandra said...

Blah, I'm so behind!

I'm sorry about your Gram :-(

Bethany said...

I'm behind on your blog... reprehensibly behind... but I wanted to make sure you knew my heart is still going out to you and your family. I'm glad you have so many happy memories of times with her to hold onto like keepsakes.