Thursday, August 11, 2011

sister conversations. coffee and God.

thursday, august 11 2011
the sun shines through the window.
like gold and amber, crystallized dust.
with that, and "home" sung as a cover by the
dad/daughter on youtube, in the present moment my
throat tightens.
pulling the bag of decaf columbian coffee towards me
without more than a single thought, i sigh.
comfort. warmth. something steady and faithful and
always satisfying. like God.
talking to God and drinking coffee.
"so...what's the problem?" lyd asks me.
she's a pretty darn sensitive child.
and a little too much like me for my own comfort.
"well, you see...once you're twenty and older, you just
kinda....get tired. and..."
pouring the coffee grounds, a nice mound into the
coffee filter, i think. and think.
"and you start to want someone. someone to hold your
hand...just...someone." i smack the coffee maker top
down and press the on button.
she nods. looks at me with fluttery eyes. "yep. i get it."
oh, what a wistful tone. where did she learn that from?
she sighs and smiles sypmathetically at me.
"it must stink to be twenty."
oh. okay. sure. i guess so. i mean, pros and cons to
every age and anything else, right?
20 isn't too bad most days.
this song...just the sound of it curls up around my
i just need to curl up around His heart... and refocus
around different things after i get my pain,
loneliness and frustration out. sounds short and right.

let's see how much distraction i have to walk by
before i settle into the right place.


Natalie said...

Yes. Know what you mean by wanting that certain somebody around to hold hands with, walk with, talk with... just to do life with. The only difference is that my sister is much more "pull yourself together" type girl.

Felipe Neumann said...

20's are not so bad.

Sometimes it feels like the middle of the road.
I feel like a kid when I'm excited at the thought of going to watch The Lion King 3D in a few weeks, but then I'm all worried and have to be responsible about my job and finances.

Love seems to be a rock in our shoes sometimes, I think we often torture our minds and hearts with that "someone" that never comes way more than our parents and relatives that keep asking "are you still single?" hahaha but when things seem to get way too reticent and we sink in thoughtful pondering, we can always grab a cup of coffee or tea. :)

Have a nice friday!

Helena said...

I love what Natalie said: "that certain somebody around to hold hands with, walk with, talk with... just to do life with."

To me, that's love. <3

Bethany said...

Oh hun, I get it too. Eight years of marriage, and I still feel that way when my husband's away. It's all part of the romance though, even pre-relationship.

I'd come and sip some of that decaf with you if I could.

P.S. - Have you seen the Blogothèque version of that song? I watch the singers' faces and cry every time. This version is incredibly sweet too; thanks for sharing!

chambanachik said...

Oh, girly. Your time will come. Re-read my guest post. :)

I love this post. I love the way it's written out in an almost poem form, because it sounded like poetry.

charla beth said...

dang girl...this is just so...SO...GOOD. there are really no other words. you simply had me captivated from the first word. i think you should write a book, dear friend.

p.s. i'm sorry about the missing someone. i understand it completely and it can be a painful place to be.

the way i figure it is you are so amazing that God is not going to give you up to just anybody. :)

i hope your curling up and refocusing gives you all the peace you need and more.